Survival Kit

With the next big subcrawl never far away, we at SUB are intensely aware of our role in ensuring that the day's events pass as smoothly as possible, without recourse to hospital waiting room or police cell. So, calling on all our vast experience amassed over literally decades(?!) of sub-bing, we have put together the Subcrawl Survival Kit, a list of essential items to ensure that your future subcrawls combine the maximum enjoyment with the minimum risk (what do you mean it sounds like a condom advert?) .

Of course, we don't claim that the following list is definitive. If you think we've missed out something important, drop us an email at survivalkit@subcrawl.co.uk telling us what else you would take and we'll be sure to add it.

Discovery Ticket

Discovery ticket

The most essential item for any Subcrawl. Without this, your SUB-bing will be considerably more expensive and faffy. Once you've got it, try not to lose it.

Disposable Camera

a disposable camera

For those "unforgettable" moments - because without photographic evidence you'll never be able to remember/believe/prove in a court of law (delete as appropriate) what happened. A camera with a flash is highly recommended.

Indigestion tablets

packet of Tums

Tums, Rennies, whatever. Just make sure you have some, because anyone can have a "bad packet of crisps".

Mints

packet of mints

Polos, Tic Tacs, it doesn't matter which - suck a couple of these and no one will be able to tell you've had 11 pints so far . . .

Pen and notepad*

pen & notepad

Have many uses - keeping track of whose round it is, keeping track of where you are, writing down addresses and phone numbers of all the 'interesting' people you meet on your journey. On second thoughts, we're not so sure about this one . . .

(*Of course if you're name's Jabba you'll probably have an electronic notepad)

Money

dosh

Oh yeah, you might need quite a bit of this . . .

Fast shoes

pair of trainers

Self-explanatory really - sometimes a quick getaway is the order of the day (for possible scenarios see e.g. Kinning Park). Also handy for scaling the Escalator of Doom at Kelvinbridge. Often used in conjunction with . . .

Change of Underwear

boxers

See above. To be used once the fast shoes have spirited you away from danger (we hope).

Name and address of accommodation

paper with address

This may prove essential for getting home after the Sub. Try showing it to a taxi driver. Or a bus driver. Failing that, anyone who looks as if they can read and who might be able to point you in the right direction. And don't allow complacency to set in - this is also a must for people going back to their own homes.

List of conversation topics

list

To provide relief when asking "Is this our stop?" becomes tiresome. This should be prepared well in advance and much research done on the topics concerned. This will not only provide for an entertaining Sub, but the research may prove crucial when facts are questioned (typically after about the sixth pint when reason starts to slip). If possible, supporting materials should be taken along (e.g. graphics, hard copy, flip-charts, overhead projector and slides). If this appears too much, then a small donkey should be used to carry the equipment.

Means of identification

dog tags

As the old proverb goes, "expect the best but prepare for the worst". A passport or some army-style dog tags does make a body easier to identify, especially one that's fallen onto a railway track (eurgh!). Quicker than dental records.

Oxygen Tent

bloke in oxygen tent

For the less athletic Sub-ber. Comes into its own after walking back from the Gairdner's Airms or ascending the Escalator of Doom.

Rubber Chicken

Why? Why not?

Subway Map(suggested by Jabba)

the previous version of the Glasgow Underground map (seems familiar...)

"Why not try and get one of the card sub maps that I got for my stag-do? We just went to the travel centre and asked nicely and they put one aside for us. . .It might be nice to give to the main organiser as a memento of his visit - sort of like exchanging pedants (sic) [sic] at the start of a footy match."

Dress Code

Easy-wash clothing is recommended, as there will always be some staining over the long haul. Clothing should be neither green nor royal blue and T-shirts should avoid reference to the Pope or Rev. Ian Paisley. Leather coats or jackets are good as just about anything wipes off.

The crawl leader should wear bright sectarian neutral colours (orange, perhaps?) so that the drunken rabble (sorry, her/his companions) can easily follow. Or he/she could just carry a giant inflatable beer bottle . . .