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Danny's Stag Do - Sober Reflections
In a rare attempt to balance the drunken chaos and general pish of the real-time Sub Diaries, Jabba decided to sit down at his bureau in the cold light of day and pen the following sober account of his brother Danny's stag do.
| Hiring a piper to take us to pipe us to and from the stations was a big hit with our stag party and from the bar staff and regulars at the pubs we visited. A lot of places wanted Andy to play requests; from The Laurieston, where he received a huge ovation from the bar to Brechin's Bar, where we waved him goodbye to the strains of Amazing Grace. | |
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In fact, just about the only dirty looks we got all day were from two evangelical types with a sandwich board and microphone who were spreading the word of The Lord in St Enoch square. They were obviously nonplussed to have their message drowned out by "Scotland The Brave" and glowered at our lone Piper. "Ignore them and keep playing", suggested one wag, "after all, they'll forgive you". The Elvis heads also proved popular and despite the obvious health risks, about half of the party had tried them on before we got to the end. |
Andy the Piper |
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It was a good mixture of people leading to fine conversation in the early sober stages of the crawl. I particularly enjoyed the free-roaming discussion in the Honours Three which ranged from the evils of accordion music to the recently disclosed cancer reducing benefits of masturbation (the latter being particularly relevant after seeing the giant Lara Croft). We ended up on film at Cessnock; as we posed for a photo with the piper, a bloke carrying a video camera came out of the station and filmed us for a few minutes. |
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Chip Shop |
We remained all cool and oblivious to his attention and never found out what he was doing. Celino's Chip Shop (in Partick) provided much needed chip roll and sausage shaped fuel (and some sherbet flying saucers). The nice bloke serving us was called Tom. More food (and a second pint at Jinty McGinty's) was to be had at Hillhead. It seems apt that there is SUBWAY sandwich shop just across from Curlers - just what I needed. |
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The Escalator of Doom was out of service at Kelvinbridge so we had to make do with lesser escalators at Cowcaddens and Buchanan Street. It seemed that every last pub in the final leg had Karaoke evenings on. Danny and Iain belted out "You've lost that loving feeling" in Wintersgills back room before "Danny's brother" brought tears to everyone's eyes with a particularly evil and twisted rendition of A-ha's "Take on Me". Macintosh's and The Gallery were probably glad that we didn't offer our services. |
The Escalator of Mild Discomfort |
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The lovely Jane was ready to pour the pints at Cowcaddens - again, the general consensus was "stunning" and I think most people agreed that she lived up to the publicity. We never managed to "close the circle" as we didn't get to Buchanan Street until 2315; a mere five minutes before the last sub. I really don't know what it is about The Gallery but everybody wanted to get out as soon as possible. |
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Once the sub finished we hit a bit of a stumbling block in that it proved difficult to get ALL of our party into one club. Someone would be let in to Fury Murray's only to be denied access to The Cathouse and vice versa. A hard-core of five ended up at Bourbon Street which will never win any Nightclub of the Year awards, or be known for being at the cutting edge of dance culture. It did let us all in and serve us beer though, which was a good thing. It's also what might be politely referred to as "a target rich environment". The Eurohostel provided no-frills accommodation (bring your own towel) but at £18 for a room you can't complain. It is also located right next to St Enoch square and even though you can't check in until 1500, it has a 24 hour reception so you can leave your bags in the luggage store and collect them when you stagger in after the sub. For my part, my new tactic of having a few jars the night before and having a few Vodka and Fresh Oranges in the middle of the Sub is working a treat and I'm definitely in much better shape by the time we get to Buchanan Street these days (this is of course, all relative). |
| Even though it was a stag do, we never had any strippers and nobody trapped off so we'll have to content ourselves with the fading memories of the following birds: | |
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Jane & LJ |
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Cheers Danny's Brother |
