A sub diary Saturday 19th June 2004

“Taken from the scribbled notes and fading memory of an old Sub crawler.

12:45 Times Square

Same old bar. Droog, Doc*, Rocky, Dean, Tom, Jabba. Meet up and have an indifferent beer.

It would appear that the Norwegian Whaling Fleet is in town. Lots of blond haired men in yellow water proof jackets. Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’**.

Discovery tickets no longer sold at the Travel centre but down in the station. They have gone up 10p***. Outrageous.

13:00 Lauriston

Same old bar. Kitty £20. Rocky forced into carrying it.

Great pie and bridie. Tom has brought the wrong camera (analogue not digital) Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’.

13:50 Gairdniers Arms

Same old bar. Seats need refurbished. Cartoons on the wall are truly awful.

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’.

14:40 Honours Three

Gone is the timber cladding and the artex ceiling. Now there is a Stewart King theme. Ye Jacobites by name lend an ear, lend an ear. False swords and fake castle walls. Loved the pole axe, firmly pinned to the wall. Floor slate and wood. Gets thumbs up.

Pete**** joins the adventure. Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’.

15:20 The Doctors

How Rangers can you get? Well try the Doctors. Rangers disco was original and the wallpaper border was reminiscent of a nine year olds bedroom. Graffiti in the bogs ‘Billy loves Rangers’, ‘Dutch Waffen SS’ which you don’t see everyday.

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’. Tom tells Jabba to ‘F**k off’

16:00 Kensington

Same old pub. Met up with the ‘Albion Expeditionary Force’, bunch of Stirling Albion supporters. Pete go bye bye.

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’. Tom tells Jabba to ‘F**k off’

16:40 Stadium Bar.

Same old bar. A digital camera appears.

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’. Tom tells Jabba to ‘F**k off’

17:30 Brechin Bar

Same old bar. Bump into ‘AEF’ again.

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’. Tom tells Jabba to ‘F**k off, that is getting really annoying’

18:15 Hayburn Vaults

Same old bar, except it has a rather cute barmaid called Denise M_______. Much drooling done.

Jabba says Tom can’t look as he is Gay’. Tom say ‘Stop calling me f**king Gay, you B*****d’

The chip shop ran out of chips.

18:49 The Dolphin

Very green and white pub. Joanne***** and Doc’s sister join the party.

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’. Tom say ‘I’m f**king warning you’

At some point Droog has started drinking half pints.

19:55 Jinty MacGinties

Food stop. KFC profits go through the roof. Jinties is a long thin pub aping an Irish Style. Full to the gunnels. Good atmosphere. Not ideally set out. Too thin. Too many booths.

Joined by Jabba’s brother, which one not sure as he has at least a dozen******. Think a second Joanne joined but that might have just been the first one with a new top or something. Not sure as things beginning to blur.

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’. Tom tells Jabba to ‘F**k off’. Tom tries to ignore the irritating f**k.

20:45 The Doublet

Same old pub. Bad case of hiccups and a headache.

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’. Tom tells Jabba ‘Yeah, whatever’

21:40 The Liquid Shop*******

Poshy wee bar playing Johnny Cash. Dean Fucked off********.

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’. Tom tells Jabba ‘This is getting really old, give it a break’

22:15 Macintoshes

Same old old….

Jabba calls Tom ‘Gay’. Tom gives Jabba the finger.

23:00 Wax O’Connor

Multilayered pub. Standard fare. Only thing it has going for it is the layout. Stayed until closing time.

Jabba tells Tom he is no longer Gay. Tom tells Jabba to ‘F**k off’.

The end.”

Notes:

* - aka Norman

** - for the background to this unfortunate and regrettable outburst of homophobia, see Sub Diary 3

*** - this happened years ago - get with it, mon!

**** - aka Fat Boy

***** - Norman's wife

****** - none other than Danny Boy

******* - A much better name than the real one, no?

******** - not strictly true - Dean returned and in fact finished the subcrawl. Does that mean he is not gay, then?